Sometimes I wonder if these nightmares will ever stop. When will I be able to sleep in the happiness of sweet dreams?
I did this watercolor in a moment of inspiration. It was so easy in the moment, but it would probably take me longer if I attempted it now. When I start to think, instead of feel my art, I begin to falter. I stop my own creativity and ability.
I used this same pose several times in different mediums and they all look very different. I think it represents how I’m trying to “hold myself together”, despite the trauma and difficulty in my life.
As I began to realize my mother’s role in my childhood abuse, I found out that she has breast cancer. Our relationship has been difficult since I was 15, but recently we’ve had a truce based on decreased contact. However, her illness has increased our contact and my distress over traumatic memories are flooding my soul. What happens when the people who are supposed to take care of you and love you…are the very people who cause harm and distress? I think it may take a lifetime to recover.
by Beatriz Kim
